The big gender reveal

Since you are here, chances are you have already seen my facebook post, if not, we're having a girl!

Sorry no pictures this time! 

Yesterday was a really good day, it began a little crazy though.

 I've gained about 10 lbs which is right on target for halfway. While biologically it's great, in the mirror I have been utterly horrified. As someone who had gotten really fat once before in her life then lost a lot of weight, it's scary to see myself balloon up once more after all of my hard work. However since I was able to do it once, I'm confident I can do it again when the time comes.  The most notable toll of this extra weight is my big fat neck makes me snore and has given me sleep apnea.

The night before yesterday (is there another way to phrase that?), I slept particularly badly. My stomach was hurting and I couldn't breath. I tossed and turned all night, too hot, too cold, crampy legs, painful back etc. By the time I got to really good sleep it was nearly 6 am, at which point some dodo bird (I have recently been using this as my favorite derogatory term.) started repeatedly calling Joshua's phone to inform him that he wouldn't be coming into work. This made us realize how balls it was to actually be a manager. Joshua wasn't even scheduled that day and really didn't give any fucks about it, but the new kid had to tell someone. That someone is kitchen manager, even on his day off. That's annoying for kitchen manager, but for manager's restless waifu who also hears the phone ringing off the hook, it's a crime punishable by beheading. In summation I slept poorly so I woke up late which later affected something else.

I awoke to the smell of bacon but when I made my way into the kitchen there was none for me. Joshua said he was right about to head into town so which I responded "without me? OAO" So I rushed to get dressed, whined about him not leaving me any breakfast then we flew out the door. I later learned he intended to leave me half of a sandwich but he ended up eating it. At least he thought about me.

Joshua had to visit his dad in physical therapy and I went to get lonely breakfast at Perkins while they did that. I love eating at Perkins and generally being anywhere where there is a lot of old people. As I come in they stare at me, sometimes disgusted because I have a nose ring and tattoos I guess. I really love this because it provides me with an opportunity to show them how wrong their assumptions are. I talk to every waiter and waitress kindly and graciously, using my best southern manners with words like please, thank you, sir and ma'am. I hold doors open and wait quietly and patiently, occasionally I strike up small conversation with the elderly patrons. This particular breakfast I decided to study my anatomy book while waiting on food, the look on the wrinkled faces of the couple next to me was priceless. Haha, I just wrecked your stereotyped expectations!

Since breakfast is ruined by pregnancy I had to order something I usually wouldn't go for. Chicken biscuit with gravy, scrambled eggs, paper thin bacon, and undercooked hash browns. I ate the chicken biscuits (well the chicken and gravy part) and left pretty much everything else since it wasn't very good. I started thinking about quotes from Ratatouille that have begun to fit my new eating habits. "If I don't love it, I don't swallow." After the mediocre breakfast I went to the rehab center to pick up Joshua and visit with Bruce.

Upon reaching the rehab center I was one sneeze, cough, or belly laugh away from peeing my pants. So when I was greeted by the staff, it was my first address. "Hi welcome, what can we do for you?" The woman I'm speaking to is dressed nicely in a long, flower print dress and her black hair in a tight bun. I assume she is probably the administrator since she isn't wearing scrubs like the other women around "I really have to use the bathroom" Probably assuming I'm just some weirdo off the street not even here to visit old people she gives a puzzled look. "ok well I'm here to see someone too but first I really really have to use the bathroom." The admin points to basket on the reception table and tells me to grab the key and points to the bathrooms. A nearby woman in scrubs asks if I'm pregnant and I tell her I am. "You better give her the key to bathroom A, if she goes in B she's gonna get sick." The admin makes a sour face like her family had just been insulted and she hesitantly hands me the key for A. I hurry off  while thanking the nurse over my shoulder. "Thank you for being honest! It's really easy to make me sick and I just had breakfast!" 

When I leave the bathroom and go to the front to give them back the keys the admin confronts me. "Just so you know, there is nothing wrong with the other bathroom." The helpful nurse is nearby and she makes the big mama "mmmmhmmm" noise complete with sassy head sway before telling the admin "the key is right there, you can see for yourself!"

While I understand the admin's want to have her facility come off as clean and respectable, you gotta be honest. How ya gonna let a pregnant woman use a bathroom you know is nasty? I could've barfed everywhere so intensely that I would have peed myself in the process. Come on!

After a brief visit, Josh and I head to the mall. As I previously mentioned my pudgy new look isn't exactly my favorite and I had been feeling pretty sloppy. All of my best t-shirts and skirts had stopped fitting a few weeks ago and I was left with the unflattering dredges of "fat day" clothes. I know they're just fabric strips meant to hide your shameful nudity, but when you feel down about the way you look some new clothes can really make a difference. Joshua knew this and took me to the maternity store to buy some clothes that are actually flattering during pregnancy and now I look great again! I wanted to post some pictures of my new clothes here but I couldn't take full body pics by myself and Joshua didn't get home till later! I know I always talk about what a great baby-daddy he is but it's because I really mean it! It really meant a lot to me that he helped me get all dressed up and feeling good about my new body, instead of letting me go about my days looking like a bloated troll. 

When the shopping was done we got lunch at Cymplify. Everything there is for hippies or rabbits and tastes entirely too healthy. A lot of their foods don't even have cheese but nut spread substitutes for vegans. I imagine this is what Californians eat. If you like flavors besides "nut" and "leaf" and I suggest you just go elsewhere. There was a pretty pitiful garden out front. Joshua took note and began hatin' loudly. "Who maintains that? They're doing a terrible job! What  piece of shit!" I see a sign posted in the garden that says it was made and maintained by Buchholz Special Ed. classes so we have a tiny un-PC giggle at that. I guess after all these years I'm still going to hell. 

Once the ultrasound appointment comes around, we are yuckin' it up in the waiting room. I notice it's dead quiet and somewhat somber in there, apart from Joshua and I snorting and guffawing. I tease him because he is telling me all kind of facts about espresso, all while mispronouncing it "eXpresso." He then sees some knitted things hanging on the wall and asks if they are socks, they are baby hats. I tell him they are for identifying your baby girl when she is bald as hell for the first years of her life. (just as I was) As I look around and notice we are the only ones talking and laughing I start to wonder if the other parents in the room think we are too silly to be good parents. I decide anyone who thinks that is too joyless to be a good parent. 

Soon we are called back to the ultrasound room and I'm instructed to lift up my dress. I am embarrassed that I chose a lacy thong and now had to flash it to this elderly ultrasound tech. I feel like a dodo bird for my choice of garments but she says that dresses are convenient and soon my pubic area is covered by a white paper cloth. The tech. squirts warm gel on my stomach and it all begins. At first I can't really tell what I'm looking at, she zooms in so close that is just looks like fuzzy shapes. After a few minutes she points out some little body parts and I'm able to identify them. Heart looks great, nice straight spine, legs curled up, one arm reaching up and one back below. Finally the little thing uncrosses it's legs and we see the goods. The tech. tells us it's a girl. She snaps a photo of her genitals and types "it's a girl" on the screen, then presses enter several times so it spams across the photo "it's a girl!! It's a girl!! It's a girl!!" Joshua giggles and for the first time, I fully grasp that unbridled joy and my eyes begin to swell with tears under my glasses. I tell myself that I'm sure everyone cries at this visit and it's totally acceptable but I still don't want to look like a softy and I hastily try to wipe them away, but they keep coming. As the tech. continues looking around in there and pointing out different parts, my responses become muffled squeaks as I hold back sobs. I can't wait for it to be over now so I can just let it out. 

Joshua says he's happy it's a girl but he's sad that he's gonna have to kill little boys in the future.

In the hallways after the ultrasound we jump up and down like teenage girls. We hug and giggle and kiss and I cry into his shirt. Then we both have to use the bathroom, where I discover that not only had I flashed the ultrasound tech my undies but in my haste to leave that morning I had put my undies on inside out and the tech. had undoubtedly seen that too.

I guess I am a dodo bird.

Some other things happened, but after the gender reveal the rest of the day was kind of  hazy.

I gave myself a pedicure, ate some freezer burned cheese sticks, and studied for the upcoming anatomy exam.